He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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