i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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