I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
