Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's shark week go big or go home
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
