Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
