If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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