I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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