His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
