both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize