I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
