i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
