He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
