Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
