Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
