there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
