It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
