i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
