we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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