If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize