we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
