I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
