neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
