i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize