I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
