Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
