Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
