My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
