just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
