Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
