I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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