i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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