Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
