I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize