Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
