why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
