if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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