Sry I called you an 8
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
