Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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