tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
