Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
