I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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