also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Panties = found
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