Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just pee around me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
