Your dad touched me again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize