I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
