There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
