College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize