DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
