Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm determined to sit on that face.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
