Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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