so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
