In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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