doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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