I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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