Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
