he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize