He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
