Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
