Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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