The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Randomize
