Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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