You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
