I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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