I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
