I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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