hotel room ftw
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
