Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
