Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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