it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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