Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
