and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
