I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
