maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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