just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
