So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
