I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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