So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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