Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
